A movement from Taipei to Thailand, to a mission in Muay Thai, let’s rock it and make it matter.
What is it that I seek out in the big wide world? Am I searching for a person, a dream, a place or something else that I cannot yet define?
In this day and at this moment I search to take my limiters and burn them to ash and let the wind take them to the sky.
Some have told me to dream big, others to be realistic but I choose to have a fanatical believe in the impossible not because I will achieve it but just by trying I can get further than I could have ever before.
Each day I walk down a new road, one full of new people, places and experiences that have enriched a life that had not yet been lived.
I cannot be what others expect, I can’t live for a tomorrow that may never come and I shall not live like today is my last. I will plan that my world will continue spinning but not with the belief that it will last forever.
I cast aside doubt, fear and shame and will live in confidence, hope and joy. There is enough negativity to drown all of us living today and I will not surrender to its depths anymore.
I shall not be defined by my physical reality, psychological conditioning or others expectations, those are challenges I embrace because within are the keys to my evolution, that I will overcome one moment to the next with each step along this path that is my life at the moment.
My dream is to matter, not to the world but to the people who I have met, maybe I’ve known them my entire life or for just a few moments but if I can inspire or touch, then mine will be a life worth living.
That is why I wander the world, that is where I am in my life and why I cannot be constrained by expectation. I feel the joy of experience, the focus of a mission and the inspiration to write a tale that only I can craft.
For now I am not a 9 to 5er, I am not destined for a desk, maybe that will change but for now that is not within reach and I will enjoy every moment I am not constrained by a routine that doesn’t expand my own possibilities for evolution beyond.
That is at the heart of the journey, today for the tomorrow that I hope for but that I don’t expect. So hello world, my success is not about money, position or what anyone else thinks, it is about being the best me by going beyond and being open enough to let those that care in to share the journey.
I feel joy at the freedom, the wonders of place and spectacle, experience things that I couldn’t have ever hoped for but it is every person I’ve met that have enriched the experience be them local or traveler, they have made me see a life worth living and rising for and every day I admonish that gift with a grin and an eye to make a few waves now and then.
I’ve done 6 sessions of Muay Thai in Pai since I arrived and I am really loving it. It is tough and I am sweating buckets when we finish but I always feel good and slowly but surely there is progress happening. I didn’t expect to be learning a martial arts ever. I’ve never been a physical person but here I am and it just feels good to push myself physically in a way that I’ve never done before.
I am training at the Charn Chi Gym in Pai, it is up the walking street close to the hospital and its basically a ring with a roof, gym equipment and punching bags. I put myself down for 30 days from August 7th but will have to do a visa run at the end of August to Laos in order to get a real visa instead of my visa waver.
In some ways I don’t fit in here at all, but there are always new people filling in the ranks so you never feel alone. I see the Thai guys going at it like tanks, I see them kicking and kicking while I was almost ready to limp after my first few attempts at kicking.he
Its funny how quickly you can see the progress doing it for 4 hours a day every day but most people start the same way and that makes me hopefully of my chances to improve. So the setup is pretty simple the training sessions start at 8am and 3pm and run for two hours every day.
They are broken up into different sections, with the first being jump rope to get the heart beating, then there is stretching, we get our hands wrapped and for beginners they learn the basic moves and then we do pad work. This is where the trainers get us to kick and punch their pads.
It’s really exhilarating to punch even though it took me a session or two to get comfortable to really punch and hit cause it isn’t in my normal nature. The afternoon is like the morning except they also do clinching where you try to push the other person’s head down and practice getting in and out of it.
At many of the gyms I’ve researched they do a run and its not that I can’t run but I don’t have the endurance past past 3 or 4 km. They do the temple run every Wednesday and Saturday which I skipped out on because I don’t want to hold the group back. I ran on my own and hope to start running regularly very soon.
I’ve just been at it a few days and all I want to do is to keep on going, it feels that at this moment its the right thing to do and for me besides the constant questioning I get from family that’s enough to keep me going. I can feel the improvement and damn its gonna be a fun few months.
So it’s been a week since I decided I wanted to learn a martial arts (thanks Mike), in this case Muay Thai in Thailand. I knew that if I go as I am now that the jump might be too much for me to handle and I would probably quit.
I don’t want and can’t let that happen so I started sparring and run/walking just to get into the habit of being physical since the most physical I get is just doing a ton of walking and trekking. I just started looking for a gym in Thailand, one where I can live and train straight. I know no one will read this but if you have any recommendations give me a shout.
The first day I just tested the waters with some sparring and the next day I took a longish stroll to the park (which took more than an hour). Since then every day I’ve tried to do something, mostly I’ve failed, sometimes I can just make it past the edge and usually I feel exhausted and just want to pass out.
One stupid thing I am doing is hitting myself with a small wooden board, it’s about the size of a ruler but decently thick. I’ve hit my legs more than a thousand times already and a few hundred for the arms. Yes it is stupid but damn if it isn’t working because in just a few days I can feel the difference.
It’s been a lot of just finding rhythm to get active. I worry if I can keep it going on my own or whether I will just go back to being lazy which is a huge risk. Currently my legs kill but for some reason I feel the need to continue on. Who knows what will happen or if I can last through training like it was a full-time job but if I can get a little better physically then that is enough for me.
The reason that I need to train full-time is that I’m still travelling and I won’t commit otherwise. I need a solid foundation so that I can train on my own. I don’t expect to get in the ring or to become an expert what I hope is for some solid ground to build upon for the future and to just calm the tremors of my mind from high to silent, at some point. That’s the goal and this was week one.
I’ve never been a really active person and right now I don’t know if I will be able to do what I want which is prep to train in a martial arts next month. Most people would laugh at me for even the attempt and in the 2 days since I’ve decided that was my direction I was told that I shouldn’t which is pretty much like saying can’t and I can’t believe in that any more. I just (more) walked and ran from The Meeting Place to Dazhi Bridge and while it has taken me hours and it wasn’t what I intended I feel great having taken the effort.
Yesterday I sparred with my friend Mike whose is a fighter and it was a cool thing to learn about how to fight even though I probably prevented him from getring some real training in. I have to go all in or I won’t do it. I know and accept that because today, eveey day I have a goal to push myself both physically and intellectually. So I’m writing this as I walk back to the hostel and just had to put this in the web either as my mission to own my body and mind and banish my shame and ignorance outside myself.
So getting to the run I more walked than ran. I ran maybe max 4 km and walked 6 km more. This was a test and tomorrow will be not about distance but going as far as I can. can I do this every day I don’t know but I will find out and I hope I can surprise who would never think I can’t. That word does not exist in the mental vocabulary I use about myself.
I’ve been running away for months and its time to stop running away from what I fear and run towards a focal point, a goal to reach for that is just as simple as being able to handle myself in a fight when the chips are down and to get up when before u would have stayed down. Let’s stand up and see what can be done when the limiters are off and I believe all is with reach.
It’s been a year since I started traveling and in that year I’ve had everest highs and mariana’s trench style lows that have me at another crossroads. Should I stay in Taiwan or continue traveling on. On the one hand it would be nice to have some consistency even if it is only temporary.
I have to write the story and today it is about the inability to choose or understand, I can’t say I am lost but I know that I am searching for a way through the noise. That’s the plight, so the pros of staying for 1 month more is that I can continue to hang out with the new friends I’ve made.
I can work on things that I realized I have yet to explore and I can see if I can live in another country beyond being just a tourist.
The negatives is that I have to put my traveling on hold, that I have to commit time and that is the most valuable resource that I have. I’ll have to stop the journey and is that worth it for me as I am right now. That I do not know but mist decide today one way or the other.
There comes a point when you know there is no going back to what or who you were before. Sometimes its immediate sometimes its subtle but that moment remains. As I’ve traveled I’ve gotten farther away from what I thought my goal was and now all I know is that I don’t know, that I must find the experiences that will help to direct whatever I decide.
I can’t return because I have little to return to in terms of opportunities and possibilities. All I see are walls that I can’t climb as of now, at least not without help, thought or merit. Each country pulls back the layers of bullshit I’ve hidden behind.
It shows me my faults and my potential and I have no regrets about the mission to figure out what it means to search for what you have lost within yourself. Banishing my ignorance is probably the most important thing I could have ever done.
I know that I know nothing, that the will to push beyond is an inherent trait to all of us if we can make it past reality telling us the answer is no. I’ve met people who’ve traveled years and those who have gone days or weeks and what you realize is how sheltered we are in our own worlds from the hardships and challenges that surround human existence every day we are alive. How we can’t control the universe but we can control how we react to any given situation.
So on this day I believe that there is more to look forward to than regret. That at this moment I get to explore the world in a way so many others wish they could do because I made a choice that has carried me to the oceans of the pacific, the temples of India and the mountains of the Himalayas to here in Taiwan as I seek how to build a life beyond the road to where I can thread the link from my home in Canada to whatever place I will call home in the future.
Canada will always be home, it is where I lived and where my family is but a sense of home while you are out wandering is a special thing. It turns a destination into place that you can feel and understand. It becomes second nature and a place that you know intrinsically and that is what I seek now. It is also about the roots that you allow to take hold, those that you wish to cultivate to keep you grounded. The search is on.
I wish I knew? I hope for the best? And no matter what else happens I will keep on working until the last moment, until I have no more, until I can go no farther, until the last breath leaves and I can go no farther. That is where I am, all that’s left and who I am.
These are the days that matter, when all that I have is gone and no matter what happens I will keep on going until I have no more. That is what I wish for at the end of my world.
Thanks for the days, the moments that I have and no matter what happens, no matter where I go from here, no matter what else happens thanks for the days of wonder that I have experienced, no matter what else happens thank you for the magic in these final days, these final moments.
I wish to be a brother in the dark, I seek to be the terrorist for that final freedom, to cast away the final shadow of my soul. To search for the best of what is possible, for who I am and for that first and last story that is deep within who I wish I was and who I hope to still become.
Because…that is what I seek, that is what I hope for in the days to come, in what I wish can be and who I hope to see in my first, final and my last days of being.
I don’t know who I am, or what I seek all that I know is that the best is yet to come, that the story is yet to be written and that my best days are still to come if I can get through the dark hours I have yet to experience.
So no matter where I go from this point on, no matter who I am in this moment, I reach for the best, for the possible and damn it I will keep on pushing to my edge of existence, for the story that shall define who I am today and who I will be when my last second fades from this world into the next. That is what I keep on working towards even when I no nothing else.
This is me as I start the process of crafting a story out of nothing but a single idea, that’s been sitting in my mind for months. I’ve written thousands or words that will never make it to the page, that are background and history that will not look like anything that eventually makes it to the page.
That’s OK, that’s to be expected and that’s just part of the journey and the hardship that this is the journey in the creative process. You have to let go of the worry and just go with it.
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