Canadian Forces patrolling the Panjwaii district in Kandahar province last month Credit: Canadian Forces
I have searched a long, long time for my own meaning and I am not eve sure what that is or what it means. What I do know is that I have struggled to build the pillars of my life. I am so lucky with great parents and family but as we have all moved into different periods in our lives I know that my life is the most shallow. The one with the fewest beats, experiences, and of little consequence. I know that I shouldn’t feel this way but it is like the shadow in who I am that I am constantly trying to escape as even going on my third decade soon I have yet to find. There is something that has been long missing in my life and one part is purpose. Purpose that goes to the heart of why I am on this planet, that is more than a job, or a career but a fire that burns and spreads until it encompasses everything that you are or wish to be.
I am not a big guy but if I could do one thing I think would surprise my family is I would have joined the Canadian Forces. I am a diabetic so this is a dream that I knew could never come to pass but part of my will always wish for it in some way, I know it, I feel it in my bones. There are many reasons why, the discipline that the training could beat into me and to be part of something more. That is about having a mission to defend our Country, to help people in need, and to make a difference. The other reason is for the comradery and the brotherhood. To have someone who would trust you with their life and who you would do the same. Maybe it is because I feel so alone, so empty, and hollow without a purpose beyond just the daily grind.
I went to school for advertising and it is a creative industry that is based around ideas and having an influence on the behaviour of people and the industry is very influential in all our lives and you see the impact time and again when it is at it’s best. I know my perception of the military is just like that. I see the romance of it and I often think maybe because I know I can’t join is the reason part of me wants it so bad. I can’t say that it completely off base, but I have searched for a long time for a reason for my life and 5 or 6 years ago, if I could, I would have walked into a recruiting station and joined up then and there. When I see a recruiting officer I have to talk to them just to remind of me of what it means to serve your country. I have no doubt in my mind of that and that doesn’t mean it would be simple, frankly it would be hell but I have learned personally that you need to know the shadow to really appreciate the light.
Service is not about accolades or recognition it is about a mission to have an impact in the lives of others. It can be one or many but to have people be in a better place because you were there is something that I just don’t want but need. Service is why everyone who serves not just in the military but as firefighters, police and so on have my utmost respect and admiration for what they do even when most of the time we forget what they do for us every day.
I hope if I were put in a position where I could help someone who needed it today that I would offer a hand and not jut once but every time I could make a difference in their life. Thing about putting yourself on the line for someone is that it is easy to say yes but you will really never know until you are put into that position to know how you would react. That is the condition I put under everything I have said here because I know that these are just words. Maybe words are not important and maybe they don’t mean anything to anyone but me but this is something that I needed to say. I am searching for a greater purpose and maybe I will never be a warrior but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a difference maker. I am searching for a way to do that as I get my life together and to me is a mission I accept, I take to heart, and will guide me every step from this point on.
Image Credit: Afghanistan security “deteriorating”: Canadian government