I should be looking for a job, in reality I have not since the 2012 started.
Why haven’t I? I have been afraid of taking chances, of exploring, really exploring the possibilities beyond just a job. I am in transition from what I thought I wanted to do to trying something completely different and that is somewhat alien to me. So it is about taking chances and focusing my time and energy of a few key things instead of trying to do everything and getting nothing done.
I have worked on the corporate side and the stability was nice but I realized that what I crave most is empowerment. It is about being able to take ownership of something, it doesn’t matter how big or small but taking the chance to show just what you can do.With my previous job, they were not ready for someone like that and near the end I knew my time was up. Not because I was a bad guy but because they wanted the status quo and were not ready to jump into new territory.
So I stopped really searching for work, started reaching out to some people I met and got a chance to do some freelance writing. Now I am at the beginning of writing a story of my choosing. It requires me to do a lot of research and so far the biggest people has found the process, the inspiration to fill in the gaps.
Now just because I am not actively searching for a job doesn’t mean I am not looking. It means I am not interested in working for a job, instead I hope to find a mission. There is a huge difference between those 2 things. I have been through the ringer, I have fallen, failed and been kicked many times but I am still here. I am going to search for the right opportunities and work on my own projects in the mean time. I will be open about what I am looking for, not afraid to ask or to also share what my other goals are. I think that is only fair.
I have not given up but found a new direction, I know that I would like to work at a startup. I have not actively searched because I am still trying to use this time to build momentum for the story I am researching but that may change in the next month or two. I was talking to an HR person about something and their assumptions were totally off base and I was disheartened by how they decided to approach me. It reinforced my belief in standing my ground and not being afraid or be bullied by those types of people.
I heard from someone I worked with about what was going on there and they said things hadn’t changed, same old. It made me reflect on where I was then and where I am today. It isn’t that I am working but it is about there being more doors to walk through than I would have had there. I feel the wind at my back and that is a great thing that I would not have had there. Now it is about building momentum and building structure and personal process to take things to the next level. To understand what it will take to write this story and have the commitment to follow through.
I am not going to look at what could have been, I am going to look at what can be from this point on, with enough work and effort. It is not about success or failure it is about proving to myself that I can write this story and make it sing. Maybe I can’t, I choose to believe I can. I choose to hope that no matter the final outcome it will be worth if for what I will learn and what it will force me to do.