I wallow in negativity and that’s been my curse. Funny how I am out of half my gear, passport, cc and money and I’m feeling good. It makes you focus on how to move forward and make the best of it.
It sucks being striped of the familiar and it is full of huge lessons but the highs are not without the lows, without them how could you hope to understand the difference in exhalation and the fear that provides that cutting edge.
I feel like I’ve been on a downward trajectory for a long time and that just thinking of climbing out was daunting. Screw that, I’m not going to climb up to what I thought I wanted I will discover what I want now, who I am and what the best of me can do.
So I’m still game to travel, loosing the money, passport and gear I had only makes me want to find a way to replenish my reserves. I am trying one thing I wanted to do but put off because I put it off this ass beating is just what I need to get my into gear So off to Bangkok and to the islands.
Not gonna run back because I have nothing to run back to, that period of my life is over no matter what happens from this point on, good or bad. So my home is wherever I am now and more important the few people that give me the honour of calling me a friend and my family no matter where they or what they think, they are home and I know that because more than most will ever know.
I hope to add to that small cabal so I can show them as much kindness and openness as they have shown me. That is what I miss, what I seek not just to take but to give because that makes you feel like you belong, that you matter and that you can make a hard moment just a little better.
I don’t know what it will mean to take control, to open the vices of my monetary habits and be open and not fearful of what anyone thinks. Small steps, sometimes big ones and doors that I will run through not past.
I usually don’t feel like I have anyone who’ll have my back and that’s because I’m walled off as much as the Pentagon is but I know that that isn’t necessarily the case I just have be ready to give as much as I receive.
It is about letting the walls fall down and let those that I know and those that will who I am for all the faults and moments of cool there is. So let’s pretend I know what I want, know where I will be in 2 years and that the future is mine to create.
I can only control myself and how I react, I can choose the lessons I listen too but we all know its the painful ones that are life’s great teachers, this was one of those for me and I thank life for teaching it to me because I needed it but now I move on, I will not crawl back, never again.
Not that there will not be challenges, faults and falls but its how I react to them that will be the difference in whether I can get closer to the sun or get pulled into the black and I will not go back into the void, that ain’t happening as long as I can think and act.
Thanks to Pascal, a cool dude who is younger than be but way more mature than I am even now, to Shazaan for hanging out with a brother off and on these past few weeks, to Tereza who was just awesome fun to be around and brought a definitely unique perspective in her remarks. Cheers guys and enjoy your trip wherever it takes you all and I will do the same. See you out there.