The Urge to Push On

Rubber ducky your the one

This has nothing to do with the post but I wanted some photo with it LOL

When you have traveled for a while or even a short time you have the urge to keep on going, of not stopping and heading back to wherever home is. That’s one of the benefits of traveling with no endpoint in sight because you get a sort of freedom that many people who have responsibilities at home don’t get a chance to experience, the ability to keep on going, stop or return when you want.

Some people make the world their home, I’ve met a lot of digital nomads and travel nomads that make money via teaching English, doing tattoos, busking or even muay thai not to save but to continue on.

I have my family back in Canada but not job or job opportunities to return to. Instead I have so much more to discover. I wish I had the finances to do what other people I know have but being price conscious most of the time has given me discipline that I want to apply to other aspects of my life like training and writing.

Every new place you visit you think just one more, it’s about the places, experiences and the people who make you see how small you world can be if you don’t leave your bubble and that doesn’t mean you need to go halfway around the world it means you need to get uncomfortable and be willing to try things you never would have imagined yourself doing.

It means letting go of the worry, giving everything you have and making it a moment to remember. Someone asked me if I was bored of Pai and muay thai. I can’t say that it has been all fun but the focus on one thing, on becoming a better person physically is something I never thought I could do because I was too intimidated to go to a gym or workout but through this last year I know that I can commit to fitness not for just to look good but to be more confident about who I am.

When I stopped in Pai, I didn’t realize I would be here this long but learning a new skill has helped to make it more than travel it has been a mission and a goal. I used to think about what I regret from bad job interviews, for not having gone out more or date more often but now I don’t want to look back at regrets and instead have no regrets from this point on.

Do I regret losing my phone, camera and passport among many things? Not any more, I did but it makes for a good story and without having lost those things I would have never learned to dive in Kho Tao or any number of things.

I don’t believe in destiny or that something had to happen because hindsight has a warping effect because you know whatever happened can’t be changed and for either good or bad we as people try to find justification for what happens to us.

Take it as it comes, don’t hold too tightly to the bad, let it go, be free from its hold so that you can see what else is possible for you at that moment. Would I regret not writing the story I have worked on for the last year? Yes and would I regret not fighting? Yes and because of those simple answers I made a choice to do each.

Getting into the ring will be hard, painful and challenging but that is the reason to do it not a reason not to. Would I regret getting or not getting a tattoo? That can go either way but once I have written the words I’ll know and I will get it because I want to mark out who I am in a physical way.

The urge to go on, to go a little farther is how we take our limits and redefine them for ourselves, it is sometimes about pushing yourself and other times it can be you don’t want things to end, other times it can be you have nothing to lose. No matter where that urge to go on comes from embrace it, for all the frustration and joy it brings if that urge is to travel, it just makes you want to keep exploring.

The urge to travel is undeniable and I knew I had caught the nomadic epidemic within a month and even all this time later it is just as strong and it isn’t just about seeing new things it is about finding where I belong in this world be it as a writer, as a fighter if only for a moment or something else.

The thing is I know I want to write, write stories, help others or just put my voice out there for the wind to catch and carry. I knew this before I left home but only now do I believe that it is who I am not just a role I seek to play.

Every day I will write, maybe it will be a script, maybe a blog post, maybe part of the story but I will write and while I’m here every day I will run, push myself harder to make sure I give myself the best chance to succeed in the ring.

I mostly write about my thoughts, as if my website were more a journal, that will continue but I want to be more than that, I will also write posts to help others, provide information that someone will find useful so I will balance those goals in my written word.

So there is no regret in losing, only a regret of never having tried. I have a lot of regrets, a list so long I thought I would never be free but I am because I leave them in the past but remember their lessons and that I will not live in regret from now on and learning that has been one of most important lessons I could ask for.