Should I take a look at what I’ve accomplished as another year has come and gone and a new one has already begun? I could look at what my life lacks or what I have gained. It is easy to be cynical and negative I know that more than most because it has been part of who I am. It is one thing to be positive, it is one to be realistic and another to be inherently negative and I choose the first wish dashes of the second.
As I’ve gotten older it’s funny I’ve come to realize how young I still am and how young I feel. Part of this is because I’ve retreated into a form of isolation which has been driven by a feeling of shame and a dim view of personal worth. I am not saying that to draw attention to the ripples this has caused in my own life but just as a personal fact that I can’t and will not deny but that I will not be beholden to today or in the future.
A year ago I was in Pai, Thailand wondering where my life was heading and I am still here except now I have a clearer direction for what my future will hold not in terms of where I will be exactly but of what my mission is in this life. I have tens of thousands of world of a universe that is of my creation. That I would never have conceived of if I had not been wandering the world or had gone through so much personal anguish at at a specific point on this trip.
Although I’ve thought about fighting since getting to Thailand and I’ve said I am going to get into the muay thai ring, a year ago I would have never thought it would become a reality and that goal will soon be achieved just 2 weeks hence. Frankly this time last year I would never have been comfortable without a shirt on because I always felt so inferior but yet here I am a year later feeling fit as f&*#.
I am only able to be here because of the love and support I have and I have to return that support in kind not by being just being successful but by going to the summit with a platinum resolve that does not waver and will not back down. I am going to get the ball rolling with the universe I created by having a story out there, I make a commitment to not just to a single muay thai fight (I will be back for more) but to embody within what it means to be a fighter in every facet of my life from the physical to the mental.
I am going to put myself out there, get involved and unlock that last part of life wherever it leads. I would rather love and lost than to never of had it to begin. This year and all that comes after is going to be an awesome ride. I will make it could, make it matter and make it a joy.
What the last year has taught me is to find believe within, to work at it, to never give into the despair and to do the things you fear. I am a fighter here now and always not just for the 15 minutes in the ring but in life and I will prove that with each step starting now.