Everyone is unique and each one of us has our own story. I was never a normal kid and when real life hit me in the face I fucked up continuously and over time that made me feel like I was worthless because I wasn’t like everyone else.
When you hit your mid-twenties the pressure of society to get married, have kids and have a full-time job is huge but the world is changing so fast that that kind of normal isn’t as easy to come by. We have so many more options but that mindset is woven into Western culture as it hasn’t kept up with how the world is today and what it will be like tomorrow.
I wanted all those things in the beginning but normal doesn’t work for me. I hate the fucken grind. I’ve done it working in shitty jobs like at The North Face in Auckland for a poor manager that treated employees as if we were stupid. I never want to be dependent on a job for my livelyhood. I don’t want to have my time used to enrich others as the expense of myself.
If I was normal I would be married, with 2 kids, paying off a mortgage and working the 9 to 5. That isn’t me, working in those types of situations kills my soul, diminishes my light and disconnects me from who I truly am inside and I will never give that up just for work.
That doesn’t mean I won’t have to work, what it means is that I need to be willing to sacrifice the normal to get what I want. Even though we are all unique the stages of life most people go through are the same. There is a beat to life’s melody that we can all hear and compare ourselves to even if we don’t want to.
That’s a good thing but it isn’t my life and it hasn’t been for more than a decade of trying and it’s time for me to not just embrace my inner freak but to accelerate what it means to live that kind of life.
I’ve been wandering for close to 5 years and been told time and again that it all amounts to nothing by the normal rules most people follow. I choose to be the rebel, I choose go against the system, to give a big FU to everyone who thinks I or anyone else has to fit into some kind of box.
We don’t have to, we have more choices than ever before. None of it will be easy but if we are stubborn, if we never give up and we focus on learning and growing the skills we need it will happen.
I never thought I would be in this position right now but after being at the end of my rope in a dark a place as I could go I can then why not go for broke.
I think of Tim Ferris and what he has done or anyone of the people who have taken the democratized tools of the Internet to make a living and help other people along the way.
I think of how hard and fucked up what I want to do is and I’m buzzing just putting the foundations of that together but there will never be a better time than now to make it happen. So that is the plan now.
I don’t usually think of myself as a confident dude but I know I can be when I just let go of caring and that’s what I have to do with just having fun and meeting people, especially girls but my fear of rejection overwhelms my ability to act or be me at my very best so it’s time to project my story out there to embrace how awesome my life is and who I am at my very best.
That is why I will be the wolf not the lamb heading towards the slaughter. It’s about taking ownership and control of my life. It means being responsible for the failures but being strong enough to keep on going in spite of the challenges or setbacks.
I shall be the predator, the wolf who hides in sheep’s clothing to attack and take what I want. It sounds arrogant, it sounds audacious but after so long of self defeatism I need to swing to the other side and then find the balance between humility and believe all while never accepting normal as my state of affairs.
I’m writing this with a smile on my face instead of pouring out my pain because I forgive myself for not getting to this point sooner and I will use that time I took as a booster to getting this shit done and testing my concepts in the real world.
I’m gonna fight, I’m not going to prepare a plan B because this is what I want, what I need and who I am.