I didn’t expect to be back in Pai right now but when life throws you a curve ball you have choice but to adapt. It meant I had to leave New Zealand earlier than I thought without making as much as I would have hoped. At the same time the job at True Alliance and The North Face was sucking my life away and I was counting down the days till I could leave.
When they offered me a settlement, they forced my hand and I had to leave it was as good as I was going to get so I took it. I regret leaving early but it meant that I was out of a situation that was debilitating for me which had negative repercussions on my health and well being.
So here I am back in Pai, with a lot less than I expected but still enough and I have to find a way to generate income, not a ton upwards to a grand or two a month in order to keep the dream alive. My dream is my independence from working for someone else and putting my time and energy towards a company that doesn’t see me as a person but as a cog in their machine.
I have to write, I need to write, if I don’t give myself the space to be open to the possibilities I will never find the inspiration and the genesis for the stories I was meant to tell. I have an idea that goes beyond a book but I have to get used to writing narrative, to balancing exposition, action, the POV of the characters and description into something that sends is soft notes into the air to be whispered to those who seek to be inspired or touched themselves.
I am wondering if I can combine elements of a story narrative with situation that people face today so that it offers lessons as well as entertainment. That is hard to do, since those are vert different types of material but it is one I want to challenge myself to write, maybe not right away but at some point.
So today I am going to focus on short stories in the world, that will take scientific discoveries and modern day events and transport them into the future world of what if. I have to tell those stories and I don’t expect them to be good but I expect them to be my beginning. Even if nobody reads them I am writing them for myself. These characters will be me in a lot of ways if I was more courageous, if I was more confident and maybe one of them will just be the me I want to become.
Will he fail, often, will he be the best fuck no but will be be stubborn and scared but he will find a way to overcome himself because that is his biggest enemy, that is what could, maybe will kill him.
So now it begins….
Man has always looked into the void and wondered what the heavens looked like? It was the home of the Gods and what would it be like to join them. The reality the void is a relentless and unforgiving place that is hostile to life and that is why we go, that is why we wander. It is why we have to step on a new planet ourselves to prove that we can.
I write because I have no choice, I spent to long creating a universe not to see it be given a chance to live. Maybe no one will read it, maybe it will be crap, maybe it will be amazing, maybe it will inspire someone to write their own stories I don’t know but it is why I am hear, I know that and I feel it.
I don’t want to dream small anyone more. I don’t want to go easy so I am going to go for broke, try to reach towards the north star, where wishes are made and we often await the Gods to answer.
In the end we have the power to make our own dreams come true, maybe not in the form we expect but if we each put in the work and the effort, will a little luck, some sly steals for the masters of the form we can turn an idea into reality and bring people into our world instead of living in someone elses.
No one will care what I write and why would they but I am writing this for me, I’ve created the universe of my imagination for myself as something I’d want to explore and felt even if it was fiction that it was real. I want to live in the land of storytellers, of epic quests, small tales, inmate moments, those that are broken and who get up and sacrifice everything even if they know they will fail.
I have to tell those stories because they are why we are alive, to create our own adventure. Er are each our own hero, to explore, to wonder, to dream, to live this life to the best we can and never give into the harsh reality that it can be. That is because of those moments of joy, of bliss and wonder that make all the suffering worth it. So somewhere in all this thought is a the genesis of a story, whose foundation I’ve crafted into a small patch of dirt that I will nurse into a tree.