A problem of antisocialism

My current problem is I’m just not social, there are so few of us but I just keep to myself but that’s how I have always been. I go down the Internet rabbit hole and don’t stick my head out of it until I have to. I just shutdown for the most part.

It’s always been a issue for me. In Toronto I’d barely leave my box, I just got used to it so much that in these COVID-19 times I just fall back on my gaming and Internet’s habits. I don’t believe it’s necessarily healthy but I’ve done it before and can do it again.

I tend to embody a turtle which I wouldn’t mind since no matter where it is, any place can be home. I crave connection as much as anyone else but I don’t need it if that makes any sense.

There are days when I would kill to talk to people but there are just not many options for me or many of us. I’m used to being alone, I just go inwards instead of focusing out the outward world.

I miss my freedom as much as everyone else but have had many periods where Ive had to function as an island. It isn’t easy but it also doesn’t have to be hard. You get used to it and understand that it is a temporary state of being. That it isn’t forever it is just this short moment of time.

Whatever else will come, will come. It’s not that you dismiss the need you put it off while you can because you have to. I tend to go deeper inside but its true for many of us.

We have to break in some ways so we can be stronger in others.