The Calm in the Chaos

Do you remember being asked what you wanted to be when you grow up? When any choice was possible before reality took the infinite possibilities and made them small. As you grow up you have to get realistic, you are funneled down paths that are not always based on what you want but what’s expected …

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Finding a new Beat

I’ve been beating this drum for the last few years, stay in a place, spend as little as possible, find something anything to keep busy and then get out. The only real change I had was when I was living and working in New Zealand and that didn’t end well for me with a crappy …

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Starting to Write my Sci-Fi Epic One Element at a Time

I didn’t expect to be back in Pai right now but when life throws you a curve ball you have choice but to adapt. It meant I had to leave New Zealand earlier than I thought without making as much as I would have hoped. At the same time the job at True Alliance and …

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Fight the Repear to not just Live but Thrive

There is a day I remember, when I was in India when I was missing the familiarity of home that I wondered is this what my life is, seeing wonders and cultures but doing it on my own. That was not a good day and it still hasn’t really changed. I walk a great path …

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Another Round of Muay Thai in Pai

So I got back to Pai a few days ago after a month in Malaysia. I flew out on Tuesday to Bangkok then grabbed a night bus to Chiang Mai and then another bus to Pai and I was back by 10:30 am. I’ve trianed at a few places since I left but not for …

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A future sought

I used to think that I needed to be like everyone else. A decade ago I was hunting for work and wasn’t able to have anything stick. That was my fault, I was so focused on the normal I didn’t realize that I had other options. I always focused on where everyone else was with …

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Time to Move Forward

Every day I wonder what story I should write and what should I say. For years I kept to myself to keep myself from being put in a position where people would give a damn. I liked being invisible because it was easy, it made it feeling forgotten easier and made it so I didn’ve …

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The Intimacy of the Opponent that Takes you out of the World

Do you remember the lightsaber duel in The Empire Strikes Back when Vader says “Luke I am your Father.” It’s one of those classic cinematic moments. I’ve been reading a lot about narratives as I am trying to figure out stories I can express in my own world and I keep on going back to …

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Be the Wolf not the Lamb and F*#k the Normal

Everyone is unique and each one of us has our own story. I was never a normal kid and when real life hit me in the face I fucked up continuously and over time that made me feel like I was worthless because I wasn’t like everyone else. When you hit your mid-twenties the pressure …

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Embrace your contradiction to turn the corner

Just because I am weak doesn’t mean I can’t be strong. You have to realize that we each carry the contradiction with us because it’s that interplay between those forces that makes life unpredictable and special. I love the contradiction, the contrast between what we think and how we feel. How different our rational selves …

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