I so want to see this movie, the look, the epicness of it makes me itch. The trailer spans the centuries and lifetimes. I can’t wait to see how they structured the story. This is a $100 million movie that took years to make and represents the biggest indie production ever, if you can call a production by the brothers behind the matrix indie, anyways.
When you have very little it is hard to say no to anything because you didn’t have a lot to begin with but there is a power in the ability to say no that I am only now starting to recognize. No one is able to give there all to everything, we only have so much time and energy to give to any one thing and that is a limit that I must understand so I can win the long war, even if that means I have to lose that one battle. Loosing that battle is the NO that we must all face at some point.
I have fought the fight to see the vision of who I am today, tomorrow, and years down the line and I will have to make no a bigger part of my repertoire. I have to figure out how to take what I want to do and do something with it. I want to write but how to do that in a way that people want has remained elusive. I am only starting to find options that excite me and they are part of a totally different form of warfare that I am just now starting to even comprehend.
I know the first project to close the door on, it is one that I did last month but that I am just not passionate about, in part because I don’t really fit into it. I did some of my work but not all because I felt like I didn’t have a say and that isn’t a fault on anyone but just a nature of getting a group together for a weekend and taking that forward beyond it.
So focus it shall be, I set a deadline to find a full-time gig by November 1st or I will set my mission to travel the globe for a year or so. If I don’t do this now then I never will because it just gets that much harder from here. Today I finish the articles I need to get done. My problem isn’t I can’t do the work but I need to build process for myself to do it well and efficiently. Without that I will just spin my wheels and that just can’t continue and I am happy to know and understand that now than waste any more of my time or energy.
So welcome my first “no,” I am going to get together with the group and call it an end. The hardest part of saying the no is the loss of those possibilities, that if you leave and it is a success the regret for not being involved. The problem is that there is always more opportunities if you open yourself up to them and if it wasn’t right for you then what makes you think it would be successful if you were involved. The challenge is in letting go for your sake and the sake of the project itself.
What saying NO means is that you want focus, that you are putting a priority on what you are working on not just the volume of work. I need to be professional without losing myself and be passionate about what I do or there is no point and that serves no one well. I believe by closing one door, others are opened and the way is cleared. Rather than saying yes to everything which makes you loose focus and yourself among the noise.
I knew that intellectually but it is another thing to put that into practice. So I am going to start that now. I am going to say good-bye to one project, but that doesn’t mean completely disengaging from it. I still want to give feedback and my perspective if they go on. I rather that be my role that do too much, not get anything done, and spin my wheels. The days of wheel spinning are over and time to cut that fat and get to the muscle that will get me up the mountain. Let’s start that climb.