Bailing out or Jumping in

Do you know who you are, what you were meant to do? I wish I was that kid that knew he wanted to be whatever be it a fire fighter, astronaut or the President (or in a Canuck’s case Prime Minister). Most of that is case a drift as they grow up but there are those few whose focus turns their idea into a reality.

Here’s where I stand. For the last few years I’ve been living and falling in Toronto. It isn’t because of a lack of ability, but focus. When I came to Toronto I struggled to find work so I went back to school, started writing but didn’t laser in. I meandered.

I went back to school, going to Centennial College for advertising account management but I entered the job market at the tail end of 2009 when the bodies were piling up. So I started writing here or there and it was going well until it wasn’t. I was not a trained writer so at that time I wasn’t that confident in my abilities. I continued to be underemployed getting the odd freelance writing gig, not getting by but surviving.

I wouldn’t call it living because it isn’t. You would think having been in Toronto for the last few I would have friends but the reality is that in the depths I have yet to shake the feeling of emptiness. Its more like a f*&ken black hole but maybe its time to sling shot my way out of there and see what is outside this bubble. I’ve had the pause button pressed for way too long and its my fault.

We all fear failure and when you’ve been ground under the thumb sometimes the spark dims. That is the place I called home, now it is time to pack my bags and take a different way. See if there is a way forward, to redefine how I see the paths, the roads,  the journey. I’ve seen a lot of people go though hell and find a way back and I know that I am about to do the same.

I’ve been lucky to have met some amazing people, volunteered for some great causes, helped friends out and have met some amazing folks. I have always hated asking for help but the truth is if I don’t then I’m an idiot, and that is one person I don’t want to see in the mirror ever again. So thanks to those who have offered me a few moments of their time in the past and to those that will from this point out.

It requires a choice and that is my personal poison pill, I’m a classic Libra who’s analyzes too much and never committed fully to something. I think we all do that because we fear failure. Society shuns failure when the reality is that those are the building blocks that lead to success if you are willing to learn not avoid and I’ve gotten very good at avoid.

So today is change, I used to say that I was trying to be a writer even when I didn’t see myself as one. I’ve been paid to write and have had multiple articles published so I am going to call myself a writer, and nothing but. Right now I have a half done script I am trying to get to completion but the shiny syndrome keeps me from focusing.

So a case of red bull and music for me until I get it to the end of the story. That is my step 1. I probably need to get out and write somewhere else, be in a more dynamic place where I can see and hear people instead of climbing the walls in my little hole in the wall and hiding from the world.

To get out of this funk it means changing everything from top to bottom which is no easy task. I will ask for help, take criticism, be open to the possibilities and act like I can do it, if I can make someone else believe then that is halfway there already and a great place to start.

So goodbye sideways years, goodbye to who I am as of now and welcome a time to run to whatever comes, the good the bad and the glorious, with the latter being my aim, the middle being what I guard against, and the start standing as the beacon to the goal. So let’s begin, again. Write, travel and find the best me which is all any of us can reach for.

To know your mission, to make a difference, to help others, to make someone laugh, to comfort a friend. That is what I’ll work for.

 

Les Militaribles vis the ROK Air Force

So it took the ROK Air Force just 3 days to film this, and a month of prep work by the the soldiers. This is pretty awesome stuff. Great job and I hope it was an awesome morale booster. Although I can imagine the amount of fodder this would create for the ones singing by their fellow soldier.

A nameless thought of a life, a choice yet to be

Trapped in a prison of my making

Made broken  by failure, eroded by emptiness only to be lost in the fog of war

A war with shame I wear like a noose round my neck

Waiting for the fall to break the fragments that are left

 

I brace myself for the wave by pretending the imaginary is real

So that no one shall see the cracks under heel

I must evict the cant out of my mind

Stop playing their game and instead, I must play mine

 

Being comfortable in the suit of a cynic, it  withers my soul within

I must make that into armour that keeps only the hope in

Joy can be nurtured if there is a belief

But it can’t thrive alone or it shall not keep the peace

 

It is about rediscovering the fire that has been devoured by the black

Bringing fuel to make sure it can shine back

This kindling takes many forms, be it hanging out with friends,

doing something new, a willingness to shake things up to get unglued

 

This is where I am, how I used to see the world

As if I had no choice as my life unfurled

Destiny is too strong a power for me to sway

But I can control my actions in response to each day

 

That is my beginning, now that we are in this new year

To reach for the dream, even though that is what I most fear

 

Mine is a choice between the search for stability for today

A risk of experience to change my life for what may

 

Can no longer be frozen, must strike out past this space

No matter the outcome I shall no longer waste

Take all my being to work for a goal

I must choice the one that evolves my soul

 

That choice is ever-changing, it is never static or in wait

Grab hold when you see the chance but know that there’s always more waiting in stance

It’s a reflection of ourself that we must remake

So that we can rebuild what we have  had braked

 

Today shall I choose between the stable, the adventure or the dream

Each remakes my life through the unseen

None of these choices are static within each, is a new realm, a new dynamic

So each has challenges and maybe I can go 2 for 1 but time to stop looking over and I just have had to begun

I bow before this greatness Live Action Toy Story Movie in FULL

Do you remember when you first watched the movie toy story? I was still a kid and it really reminded me of just pretending that a box was a castle and that plastic plate was a spaceship. We all did those things at some point before we were told that the sky isn’t green or that the evil one wasn’t trying to take over the kingdom. Toy Story gave us one of those stories what if our toys were real. Jonason Pauley (19) and Jesse Perrotta (21) saw Toy Story 3 when it came out in June 2010 and decided to go back to the beginning and recreate the original Toy Story in the real world.

They spent 2 years to recreate Toy Story, a movie they loved and bringing it into reality not through CGI but through string for all the toys, a bit of stop motion filming, and by using the real audio track from the film. You can see that it was a labour of love, in how they recreated the movie shot for shot, scene by scene. I was shocked that they had all the toys and you have to love Mister Potato head. I just wanted to say that they did an amazing job. I’m so glad that the Disney and Pixar lawyers didn’t throw the book at they recreation. I wish I could do something like this, great job to everyone and I love the outtakes, so grab some popcorn and let’s take a look at Toy Story live action style.

Invisible Driver Spooks Folks in the Drive Thru LOL

Man love this prank good job man.